What is intimacy in a relationship? Is it in a touch or a feeling? Is it in the words you say, or the things you do? Without using a dictionary, intimacy to me, is the raw closeness between you and your partner.
It covers everything. The things you say to each other, the things you do for each other. Often times, I feel it is not sexual. The subtle shows of concern rather than the grand gestures. Intimacy is soft and private, and not for outside eyes.
Is intimacy easy?
Intimacy comes easy to some people, to others it does not. I am naturally an honest and straight shooting person, and being vulnerable and opening up to the right person becomes easy for me, but I know that for some people, it doesn’t. Some may have past trauma, some look at their parents who do not express much intimacy for each other and grew up without a taste of intimacy, much less how to express it themselves. Some may have been scarred by past relationships, some are just not trusting by nature.
Whichever category you fall into, intimacy in a relationship is constant work, it’s an everyday effort to build and maintain trust, to talk, to share, to laugh, love, and cry together.
Here are some things you can practice in your relationship if you are finding it difficult to introduce intimacy.
Talk to each other without the label of being in a relationship. Talk to each other as friends would, without judgement and with respect. Often, in a long term relationship, we forget to become friends, because other adulthood pressures mount up when you’re sharing a life together, and we stop sharing with each other. Go back to being friends, have fun, and take intimacy in your relationship to another level.
Being honest is being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is, contrary to what some people might think, very attractive. In a relationship, you always seek to feel safe and to protect. Baring it all in front of the person that you love is scary, but the reward in the intimacy of still feeling loved and safe after that, is the hug of heaven itself.
I know it’s difficult to do sometimes, you always want to present your best self, you’re afraid that the person you love might think differently of you if you let your “image” slip. But trust me, the person that you’re with, the person that has chosen to be with you, probably already knows what you’re like and is still sticking around. Be yourself, don’t pretend to like green smoothies just because he does; learn about each other and discover intimacy in the ease of being around each other than being yourself brings.